Dear P
As a mother, I feel guilty that I will never be able to give you my undivided time and attention, as I gave to your elder brother.
I feel guilty that I cannot hug and kiss you without someone else wanting the same from me.
I feel guilty that I do not connect with you and talk to you, as much as i do with your elder brother (even though I know there will be time for that in the future).
I feel guilty that most of your toys, clothes and possessions are hand-me-downs.
I feel guilty that since you dont talk yet and are easily distracted, I have to make you give up your preferences, for the sake of your elder brother’s tantrums.
But then, I am grateful that you have a later bedtime than his, which gives us some much-needed mummy and baby time at the end of the day. I love to make you sit close to me while feeding you dinner, or cuddling and tickling you during those diaper changes. I will cherish these moments forever.
Like you, I am a second-born to my mother and I know that even though my parents connect better with my elder sister, they don’t love me any less. In fact, I am the more pampered one, whose every demand was met, who could get away with most things when I was younger. I am grateful for my older sister, who is my best friend and my guardian angel.
When I see you look up to your older brother, follow every action of his (good and bad), giggle at his antics, look lost and lonely when he is at school, squeal in delight when he gets back from school, or when I see the way he takes care of you, talks to you in his baby tone of voice, feeds you a bite of his meals, or when I see you both hug, it makes me feel all mushy inside and I thank God that I was able to give you this gift of an older sibling. I hope and pray to God that you have a friend for life in your brother, who will look out for you forever.
Always remember that you both will always be equal to me. You both are a part of me and I cannot love one of you more than the other. If your older brother is first in my motherhood memories, you are my last. You are and will always be my little baby.
I Love You,
YOUR MOM.
